Complete reversal
In September 2006, I wrote:
having a layover in london makes me not look forward to france even more. honestly, i can’t understand why i feel this way. I suppose if i had mastery of french i wouldn’t dread it so much. The thought that I won’t be able to verbalize exactly what i want to say all the time makes me positively shudder.
In October 2006, I wrote:
I want to go back to Orange County or L.A. where I know everything and have a car and have people I love. I can live without the grandiose architecture and the pain au chocolats. I’ll settle for the Getty and madelaines from Trader Joes. I don’t even think it’s the language problem anymore, my French isn’t as bad as I remembered it and we have been getting along fine, especially in Troyes where practically no one speaks good English. It’s just a perpetually hovering feeling that right now is not the right time for me to be away. Is it possible to be homesick for a place I’ve only known for three days? Because I miss London badly. I miss British English and the city’s ubiquitous kindness.
Today, July 11 2010, I am feeling what is the complete reversal of my sentiments back then. Tomorrow I’ll be leaving for a london/france trip again, and it’s been a bit hard drumming up enthusiasm for the former.
It goes like this: London? Fish and chips. Tate Modern. Topshop. Visit my parents’ old apartment. South of France? OMG THE AZURE BEACHES! THE TOPLESS SUNBATHING! THE SHAMELESS LAZINESS! THE STUNNING VIEWS ON TRAIN RIDES! THE INTENSE FLAVORS! THE UNBELIEVABLE MARKETS! THE GELATO! THE SALES!
See the difference? I suspect this sentimental switch has to do with becoming intimate with one country and not the other. Living in France, where I spent some of my loneliest months, along with multiple trips back and a French partner whose parents keep sending treats in the mail kind of ties you to a place. Like, I can’t not think of CD’s and my wonderful road trip to the French Riviera 2 summers ago when I am planning for my trip back next week, even though this might be a completely different itinerary and experience.
To be fair, I do expect a lot of good times in England. I’m staying with a former roommate and will be seeing a couple old friends as well meeting some Couchsurfers. All of which sound marvelous. There is just no sense of home, which is ironic since I was born in Westminster Hospital, right smack dab in the middle of Central London.
